I Used to Be

Lately I have been giving my blogging career--occupation--thing some thought. I know. Again? Yes, again. Every year or less I seem to revisit this topic. Funny thing is, I just don't ever feel settled in the place. It is both a good and bad thing. Anyway, for about the last year I've had this strange disconnect happening with this here forum for thought and creativity. It is like a detached appendage that never was really attached in the first place. What do I really do with it?

I think this lack of connection can most easily be illustrated by a short segment from a movie, 13 Going on 30. Remember when Jenna shares the elevator with her teen neighbor for the first time and the awkward conversation ensues? That is the full on story of my blogging relationship lately. Just before having Everly I partied it up a few times with bloggers. It was sort of my last hoorah before being quarantined with my newborn. So I didn't want to miss a single thing. Yet, I felt completely out of place most of the time. Still! After all this time and all these parties. Then, when I was brave enough to confront some new people to introduce myself things got even weirder. Here is how almost every introductory conversation went.

Me: "What do you do?"
Them: "Oh, I'm a blogger."
Me: "Me too!" insert short, yet awkward pause while my eyes dart away. "Used to be."
Insert another awkward pause.
Them: "Like your dress."
Me: "Thanks." Thinking: That's because I have these incredible boobs to fill it out--and baby belly.

See what I mean? It is just like 13 Going On 30 minus the baby belly. Sad part was, I really did consider my blogging days to be mostly over. I didn't want to give these people the name of my sad, neglected little blog. I never really considered myself a blogger anyways. No big deal, right? Now, feeling even more out of place I just half-jokingly called myself an Instagram stalker, explaining that was how I knew about the party. Then I would duck away before making a complete goof of myself.

One of my insta-friends turned real friends, only to discover we actually knew each other before (how's that for crazy social media relations?) had something on her profile that really rang true to me. In fact, the first time I read it I laughed out loud, but then sobered up instantly and considered what it meant. It said, "Instagram killed my blog." Yup, I could relate and it made me more than a little sad. Ever since my discovery of Instagram my blog has been limping along, hardly touched but maybe once or twice every few months, during which time I would quickly backlog about 5 or 6 posts trying to fill it out with pictures and updates. I'm sorry, sad neglected little blog. I had to face the facts and realize I was not 13 anymore. I have grown and changed so much from when I started this blog. The things I was doing with it back then seem so silly, simply a mimic of what I saw and admired from around the interwebs. And the things I was currently doing were completely immersed in family stuff, which should should go on our family blog (and which I promptly removed from here and placed over there BTW). Where was I in all of that mess?

So, yes I have changed and so will this blog, eventually. No! I won't let this blog go down without a fight. Yes, it is still my blog. Maybe I wouldn't exactly consider myself to be a "blogger" by trade. Truth is, maybe I never will, and that just has to be O.K. However, I do have a blog. That should count for something. And though I am sure it will be ill managed and fairly neglected in the near future, I simply cannot give it up and shut it down. Not yet. Expect to hear more from me. At least, a little more--eventually. Once I sort out what I want to be doing here.