Reaping the Rewards

Already I have been kicking January's butt. I mean, usually I hate this month with every fiber of my being. It is slow, cold, and lagging after months busy with friends, family, and Holiday delights. The days are dark and the sun is gone most of the time. Did I mention the cold? It is dismal, and often I have already fallen short of one resolution or another by mid January. But not this time...

The Kill List

This time I am attacking January like Atillah Hunn, and already I am starting to see the benefits. So here is just a rundown of what I accomplished in the first 15 days of the year:

• Cleaned the entire house
• Purged my bookshelf
• Called a realtor
• Had her do a walk through of our house
• Decided to be ready to sell by March 1st (I am freaking out, and kinda sad)
• Already boxed up some things for storage
• Found a list of 10 local apartments that are pet friendly
• Joined a writing group
• Took something for them to critique (and had a blast chatting)
• Set up a play date schedule for my kids
• Handed down a church responsibility to the next leader
• Wrote at least 7,500 words (not freelance)
• Cleared off the spin bike (haven't ridden it, but hey, it's a start)
• Used my juicer at least five times
• Meal prepped at lest three times
• Ordered out only six times (a huge step for us)
• And turned in all my freelance work on time!

No question it has been an exhausting 15 days. I have also had a sick kid, a teething kid, and a Superman working 18 days straight. Fortunately today is Friday, and it snowed last night. So the kids and I are taking refuge in the warm house and spending the day just watching Rescue Bots, playing Disney Infinity, and eating all the leftovers. I am even contemplating a nap. Because honestly, I've earned it!

I know I still have a long road ahead of us, especially if we commit to selling the house as quickly as the realtor thinks we should. It wasn't something we were planning to tackle so soon. But the sorry truth is we are quickly outgrowing this starter home. And if Superman wants a separate work shop, which he does, then we will need to move eventually to a place with larger property. So why not now? Before kids start school. Before the busy summer starts up and the market triples in size and we are less likely to sell for the price we want. Before we loose our vigor for this new year and new adventure it promises. 

Wish me luck! I will absolutely need it if I hope to keep this up and meet all my other "Commit 2016" goals. 

Word for 2016: "Commit"

Each year I choose a word to focus on for the next 365 days. Last year I sort of dropped the ball and completely forgot about choosing a word to live by. Funny thing was I felt the absence of that intention. It is nice to be dedicated and to work towards something. So, instead of repeating last year's mistake, I decided mid-December on a word for this year instead of . "COMMIT." It was a word that kept coming to my mind as I looked back on some of my disappointments from the previous year.

To me this word represents how much I am willing to invest in myself. Instead of waffling back and forth on decisions, I will commit. Instead of fudging the deadlines on my work and my play, I am going to commit. Instead of just saying I will do something, I am going to...yeah, you probably get the picture. There are five specific areas I want to zero on in this year. I commit to my craft, my body, my mind, my faith, and my family. Now, down to the specifics.

5 Ways I Commit to 2016

Here are the exact goals I have outlined for this year to work in tandem with my word:

1. Commit to my Craft: I am going to write 500 words every single day. 

This is something I heard said by a college professor back in the day. "If you want to be a serious writer, then you have to write. You have to write every single day." I heard them, but I didn't act upon the council. Then, just the other day on my Facebook, another writer friend posted a page that listed out the daily word count for several famous authors. I took it as a sign, looked it over, and decided 500 words a day was something I could actually, and should actually do. So, I plotted out a chart on my Google Drive and will mark off the days I hit the 500 word mark. I will not miss a day!

2. Commit to my Body: I am going to do another Triathlon Sprint. 

I did one about five years ago (was it really that long?) and loved it so much. I loved the training, and the working out. I loved the time I had to just focus on myself. I loved how in shape I was. There was just so much to like about it. So, I am going to do it again. There are several of them I could do over the course of the summer, and I might do those, but the one I am aiming for is the Turkey Triathlon in November. It is the one I did the last time, and seems like a fitting choice for a repeat. I don't necessarily want to improve on a certain time or do anything better than I did the last time. I just want to do it again and feel confident in my physical ability.

3. Commit to my Mind: I am going to meditate once a week. 

I have several friends who think meditation is the end-all when it comes to health and sanity. It helps them manage stress, depression, anxiety, and numerous other plagues brought on by too much busy-ness. Admittedly, the last time I meditated, truly meditated, was just before the State competition my senior year of high school. I had a bunch of the swimmers sleep over at my house and one of them had a meditation tape we listened to right before bed. I remember the soothing man's voice helping us focus on goals, flex and relax certain muscle quadrants, etc. Then I totally zonked off. It was super relaxing and helped me let go of the anxious feeling that might have kept me from a good night's rest. So I am going to read a few more articles and books, download an app, and make sure to meditate once a week. I want to use the time to center myself, focus on what matters most, and maybe ease a little tension that has me snapping at my kids all too often.

4. Commit to my Faith: I am going to read scripture every night before bed. 

...not exactly something I have excelled at as of late. A few years ago, when my husband was working nights and I was left to my own fears and devices, I read scripture every night before bed. It was my way to let go of my fears that something might happen to me, you know, while I was alone in the house at night--when all the scary things happen. We also got a dog! But honestly, I remember feeling so full of God's love and light when I read from scripture. I knew things and felt things so clearly. Now I get promptings and messages, but only a fraction of what it should be. I want to feel that way again, renew my testimony, and increase my faith. The best way I know how to do that is to read from the best books.

5. Commit to my Family: I am going to give time to my children and my spouse each month. 

This will not be easy. I get so wrapped up in my own things that I often find my attention divided. I am on my phone while having a conversation with my son. Or I am working on my freelance while also trying to make sure my daughter doesn't get into the cleaning supplies under the sink. I am not saying those things will never happen, because they absolutely will. I will be simultaneously working and watching my kids more often than not. However, I will also specifically set aside time each month this year just for them--one on one. No phone, no television, no computer to get between us. I am going to put it in my calendar and make it happen in the form of dates with my spouse, late dates with my son, and playtime with my daughter.

A Few Other Commitments

In addition to these top five, there are a few other commitments I want to make this year. My husband and I are going to focus on paying down debt and getting our house in order so we can potentially sell, when the right time and opportunity comes. I also want to commit to keeping a cleaner house, making healthier meals, and spending more time outside this next year. These are pretty typical though, of every new year. And hopefully I do a little better and a little better--then one day I will be a little better too.

With Resolve

Usually when it comes to resolutions I am all about making lists; marking goals off with a solid strike-through or check-mark. Usually I like to divide things up and lay things out. I like to plan. This is how I buy groceries, how I lay out my days, and how I make sure I read every book I have seen bopping around Instagram. This year things are different. This year I think another list is not what I need. I need more.

Of Regrets and Resolutions is a talk, a piece of text, that has stuck with me for some time. In it is written out three main regrets. These were three of the most common regrets collected by a nurse of the terminally ill. She would ask her patients, particularly those preparing to depart this life, what they would regret most upon leaving this life and they would often open their hearts to her. Then came these three--three things I never want to regret. 

"I wish I had spent more time with the people I love."

Nothing in this life compares to the love I feel for my family and friends. I spend a lot of time with these people. I spend my days with Blake, my evenings and nights and days off with my husband, and I often spend weekends and holidays with family. If I am not at home, then I am likely to be found at my parents'.or at least in their company. I am with them so very much they are probably sick of me. Thus I do not think this is a resolution I will have trouble with. I never regret the time I spend with loved ones, and I spend that time as often as possible. Time with loved ones is not something lacking in my life. 

"I wish I had let myself be happier."

The darkness of this world, especially these days, can be overbearing and powerful. There are so many ways to get bogged down, buried under the dense weight of failure, loss, and frustration. Sadness and disappointment can quickly creep into our sight, keeping us from recognizing the blessings and happiness we feel. There are many who cling to an illusion that achievement and success will always be just beyond their reach. For me though, I find happiness and fulfillment in each day. It was tough to choose, and is still difficult to maintain, my stay at home mom status. However, it is not a choice I have ever regretted. My Littleman and my little home bring me so much joy. This past year I have been making an effort to simply feel happy in my situation, because I will never be this way again. I consciously sort through the contents of each day and find the bright light of happiness. It often involves watching the boy grow and develop and learn. It involves the kind gestures and loving actions of my husband. I have to work to set aside my fears and concerns, but when I do I am letting myself feel happy. To put it better, I CHOOSE to feel happy and I CHOOSE it often.

"I wish I had lived up to my potential."

This, the last regret, is certainly something I am needing to work on. Somehow, in many ways, I continually sell myself short. I belittle my experience and I berate my skills. I view the impossible and simply believe, without even making the littlest effort, that I cannot reach it. I wrinkle my nose and shake my head at the thought of being of any import. Often these feelings of lack are connected to the professional world, but I feel them spiritually, physically, and socially some times as well. So this, this idea of potential, is where I want to turn my focus for 2013. I see my 2012 self as a person scared of her own power, her own greatness. Well, no longer! I want to reach peaks, tackle obstacles, achieve greatness in my own way. I want to be something more. To do this though, I first must be personally empowered. 

To Be Empowered

I want to take 2013 as a year to focus on empowering myself. I am going to try new things and learn new skills. I am going to read more, seek more, and see more. I am going to tackle new projects and improve my talents. Mainly I am going to stop thinking I cannot do things. Instead I am going to just do things. I am going to set aside my fears of failure. Granted, I am going to fail at some things because that just happens. I am also going to work hard, struggle, and grow. I am going to believe in myself. I am going to reach higher and stretch further. I am going to improve. I know it will be challenging, especially for me, but I want to push boundaries and find the kind of confidence in myself that will allow me to reach a higher personal potential.

So how will I keep track of doing all of this? Well, here of course. I am going to turn into one of those big headed, puffed up, stuffed shirt bloggers. OK, that is a lie. I so am not going to be like that. I do however hope to learn and grow and document some of that as I am going through it. I also hope to write a lot more, but that pretty much is a goal I set every year. 

So 2013, here I come!