Mar 22, 2013

Self Portrait Series :: 3

I am exceptionally good at being a stay at home mom for my Littleman. 

At first I honestly thought, after being in school then having a full time job, I would go nuts having to stay home all the time. I thought I would be bored. I thought I would have tons of down time with piles of books to burn through and housework completely under control. I imagined myself cooking, cleaning, and changing diapers like it was no big thang. Guess what? I was wrong. I can barely keep up with housework. I hate, hate, hate cooking dinner. Diaper after dirty diaper still, after sixteen months, frustrates the heck out of me. Downtime, ha! Book reading, ha ha! Bored, ha ha ha! But guess what? I am still a super-dee-duper excellent momma. 

I love being home with my kid. I know that some moms gotta work away from home, and I respect that. I will probably find myself back in the office and away from home at some point as well. For me though, right now, I love not having to miss any little thing my Littleman is up to. I truly believe I need to be here for him. I love being the first to hear his words, the first to catch his little tumbles, the first to hold his hand, kiss his face, and touch his toes. I love sharing my space with him. Even when he scrunches up his eyes because he is mad or frustrated with me, I wouldn't want to be missing it. 

Yes, of course, there are days I start pulling my hair out. There are days I want to run far, far away. There are days I want to, and do, just drop Littleman in Papa's lap and tell him it is his turn to take care of HIS kid.  Those are the times when Superman is super great. He lets me run out to the gym, or go shopping all by myself. He lets me melt away and just be alone for a little while. Then, when I have recovered a bit of perspective and my hair is no longer standing on end, I can return home to those faces I love to smooch and be all the happier for it. 

As a mommy, I am excellent at playing Ring Around the Rosies. I am great at hiding and seeking. I am a fantastic Peek-A-Boo partner. I hold things. I read books. I nudge little hands off of my keyboard once in a while. I have six Fisher Price apps on my phone. I wipe noses. I blend dinner. I refill sippy. I find "the nie nie." I cuddle. I play blocks. I play cars. I play football. I dance. I sing. I jump. 

Best of all? I scoop up my Littlman from the sidewalk and kiss his skidded palms. I wash his little face when dinner is especially messy. I give and get kisses when things are especially stressful. I rock, and rock, and rock his tired little body to sleep. I get to make all the wrong things right, the hurt things better, the bad things good again. I get to make his little world and my big world better by being the best mommy for my Littleman. 

I love him, and I love the mommy I get to be because of him. 

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