Jul 15, 2011

You Might Be 26 Weeks Pregnant If...

Superman and I had a great evening spent at Jordan Commons, followed by the Cheesecake Factory. We saw HP 7.2 and had an amazing dinner followed by rich, delicious cheesecake. Anyways, all the sitting and eating made my preggy belly stick out a bit more than usual. I could tell this because walking through the mall every woman over 50 eyed my bump and this dreamy, knowing smile would spread across her face. It was so bad that Superman even noticed and started to laugh. I said, "You KNOW you are pregnant when THAT happens." So, following Mr. Foxworthy's "redneck" tradition, we started listing off things that seemed to indicate I just might be close to my third trimester of pregnancy. Without further a'do.

You might be 26 weeks pregnant if:
You are walking through the mall and older women smile at your fat belly instead of grimace.
Your visit the diaper aisle with coupons more than the frozen food section.
Instead of handshakes and hugs you get Buddha rubs.
You own twenty seven pairs of pants and none of them fit without a rubber band around the button.
Every trip to the pool leaves you feeling more and more like a beached whale.
You use your belly as a coffee table.
Penguins waddle faster than you do.
Your new BFF is a body pillow.
You have tried to wear a back brace backwards.
Shopping for cute M*pants is like shopping for elegant depends.
You actually consider buying depends.
You ate fifteen minutes ago and are hungry again, this time for pickles and ice cream.
Your feet feel like they will fall off every time you lie down.
The fastest you ever move is racing your grandmother to the bathroom.
Sometimes your grandmother beats you to the bathroom.
Sweatpants are the new black.
You dream of infant car seats, bottles, and strollers.
Laughing, sneezing, or hiccuping always result in clamping your legs together.
The highlight of your weekend plans is a grand tour of the hospital.
You will not even consider naming your little one Braxton.
The fifteen pounds you have gained is all in ice cream and french fries (eaten at the same time).
You take pictures of just your belly.
Cocoa Puffs give you heart burn while peppers do not.
You actually know what a doula is.
The scale whimpers before you step on it.
An elephant has smaller ankles than you do.
In fact, you sound much like an elephant every time you have to bend over.
You don't know what shoes you have on and could care less.

If you have any more, keep 'em coming. Pregnancy is great, but it is even better when we can laugh about our experiences together.


  1. hahaha, these are funny! I haven't been pregnant yet, but I have a lot of friends who I know could relate!