Putting baby in the car seat one afternoon he pitched a royal. He grunted and protested in the newbornish way. Again, not loud, but definitely noticeable. I had a few binkys from my baby showers so I scampered to where they waited, washed and unused, and corked it. Sudden peace and quiet. That was when I first experienced it, the miracle that was binky. Of course baby soon zonked off and the Nuk was no longer needed. Again I thought, pish! Who needs binkys all the time? Not I. I am Mommy, hear me roar, but quietly cause, you know, little man is asleep in the car seat without his binky.
Next up, two month appointment. Nothing can prepare you for this first match up with the doc, nothing. Get baby naked, measured, and weighed. All good. Get baby dropper medicine and examined by the doc, all good (even the turn your head and cough while I check under this diaper). Hold his patty-cakes patty-cakes and count to three, THE WORST GAME IN THE WORLD! I remember on this first visit those little blue eyes all happy and smiling, then suddenly silent shock. Then almost simultaneously I watched as betrayal, horror, resentment, and finally pain crossed his scrunched and red face. I had to blow on him so he would take a breath. Nurses slapped on the band aids and got outta dodge, leaving my husband and I with this never before seen banshee. My babe was a quite crier until this appointment. No longer. He weeped, wailed, and gnashed his gums. I saw parts of his throat I never thought would be visible. It was horrendous. Then, there it was, the bink. We got baby dressed and after about one minute of trying to soothe him myself I gave him the bink. He was still blatantly upset, but after a moment he figured out something was in his mouth and quieted. After that day I said goodbye to infant baby cries and hello to howler monkey and a lot more time with Mr. Binks.
We started out with the Gumdrop brand binks because of praises from my cousin. At first I just thought he would eventually figure out how to keep it in himself. It was not working. As baby grew more and more attached to the bink, my hand grew more and more attached to him. Despite sucking for hours every day he still could not keep the dern thing in to save his life. Then heaven forbid the thing ever fell out before he conked off. Unfortunately I could no longer pish nor roar. At his slightest provocation I would pop that bink right in place and hold it all day if that meant the wailing was silenced. I never, ever wanted to be "that mom," the one who shoved in the bink and ruined her son's ability to self-sooth as well as his teeth. Now, I am her through and through. This is because I have come to an important conclusion. This kid likes to suck and it is either his fingers or his binky, and I can't take his fingers away later.
A few weeks ago we found it, after several failed attempts, the binky that works! They are the Avent brand and he had a knack for them right away. That was when it became all too easy to turn in to "that mom." Gone were the days I had to hold that bink in for hours on end. Gone were the needed back seat riding days. And with all that went my resolve about the no binky policy. The binky is convenient, can double as a distraction, and keeps baby from embarrassing me (with his mouth and wailing at least) in church. I came to the crossroads and chose the easier way. Am I ashamed? A little, I'll admit.
This kid is the prize in my cereal box, my Christmas morning, my joy of life, but that binky, THAT THING, is going to be the death of me. Little boy is now an addict. Put him in the car seat, binky. Put him in the crib, binky. Even trying to nurse him sometimes, I need to start with the binky. Otherwise welcome to melt down central. Mr. Binky, Paci, Binks or whatever you want to be called, I hate you, and when this guy turns two you are gone! Out of our lives! We are breaking up that very day! Until then, we can be frienemies, but nothing more.