Being a mommy is the most fulfilling job I have ever done. We have our moments, rest assured, but for the most part K.B. and I have a long expanse of lovely, loving days behind us. The secret to our success? It honestly is the quiet moments I have to myself. These brief windows of time during naps or in the shower or when G.G. takes the boy for the evening; these moments apart give my heart time for meditation and give me time to miss my little boy.
Granted, these moments of solace can be few and far between during cranky teething days, but for the most part I have at least a full hour of time every single day all to myself. Sometimes it is a staggering of 10 minutes here and there. Sometimes it comes in one big chunk of time. Sometimes I have even longer depending on whether or not the "45 minute intruder" completely ruins a nap or simply causes a rolling over in the crib. In the early stages of mommy hood I struggled with making time for everything. While baby was sleeping I was always torn; should I get housework done or take a nap with him? I tried to busy myself on some days with chores, but this made me more frazzled and stretched. I also tried always taking naps, but that just made me feel frumpy and lagging. So now, nearly a year later, I have found the happy place.
K.B. is on a regular schedule, almost to the button, and this makes naps very easy to predict and accommodate. We snuggle into the deep recesses of the couch, I fold down a corner of his blanket and tuck it under his arms, and we click on a dvd. Within minutes the Littleman has flopped his head against my chest and is out. I snuggle with him for a few minutes longer before moving him to his playpen or crib for the rest of his nap. Then, instead of taking on the mounting pile of laundry or a crowded sink of dishes, I take time for myself. Just a little quiet time to process the day.
I take those quiet moments to just feel good about where I am and what I am doing. I think about the things I have accomplished, the tasks I have completed. Sometimes I will read a book or listen to music, but mostly I will just sit in the quiet with an always handy 3x5 card and pen. Sometimes I will write things down. Sometimes I will walk away and the card is still blank. The most important thing I do is fill myself full of gratitude, happy thoughts, and a few aspirations. When the nap is over, the quite moment through, I am thoroughly missing my baby boy. I am missing his messes and his musings. I am missing his diapers and his crusty face. I am missing his little hands getting into everything I am trying to do. This missing grows my love deeper and makes every moment a little happier.
There it is, another secret, another mommy lesson I have learned in the past year.